Welcome to The Iconic Edge. Your playbook for thriving in the AI age.
Today, I'm talking about how your dormant ties could lead to your next big opportunity.
Last month, a colleague I hadn't spoken to in years popped into my head.
Normally I'd let the thought pass. But something in my gut made me send her a quick LinkedIn message, just to say hi. Then I forgot all about it.
Last week she replied and we set up a video coffee (I'm in France, so in person wasn't an option), the conversation flowed and by the end we'd agreed to work on a project together.
An opportunity I'd have missed completely if I'd let that thought drift by.
It got me wondering how many other projects, ideas and contacts are sitting in my dormant network right now, one message away.
What about you? How many times has someone you used to work with come to mind, and you thought "I should message them," and then didn't? Because it's been too long, and now it would be weird, and what would you say?!
You're throwing away one of the most valuable things you own right now.
The dormant tie
Three researchers (Daniel Levin, Jorge Walter and Keith Murnighan) ran a study called "Dormant Ties: The Value of Reconnecting".
They asked hundreds of executives to get back in touch with someone they hadn't spoken to in three years, then ask that person for advice on a real work problem.
The advice from those old contacts was as good as the advice from people they spoke to every day. Often it was better, and quicker to get.
This is because an old contact still trusts you, and that trust barely fades.
But also, you've been apart for years, so they've met people and learned things you never will. You get the trust of a friend and the fresh ideas of a stranger, in one person.
Your current circle can't do that. You all read the same things and move in the same rooms.
And the benefit was bigger for more experienced people. The longer your career, the more of these contacts you've quietly built up.
Your years are an asset, and your old relationships are the proof.
Why most women avoid this
Here's what I noticed across years of watching how women handle their careers. We're not bad at relationships, we're brilliant at them.
But we go quiet on the dormant ties that might actually help us, because reaching out feels like asking, and asking feels ‘needy’.
So we call it respecting their time. Really we're afraid of looking like we want something.
I rarely saw the men hesitate the same way.
That feeling is worth getting over, because the timing has never been better.
Every inbox is filling with AI-written outreach right now. Polished, personalised, and completely hollow. A real note to someone you once shared something with cuts straight through it.
Part of your iconic edge is doing what other people avoid.
AI can write a thousand cold messages before breakfast. But it can't fake years of trust you built with a real person.
That trust is yours to capitalise on.
How to wake one up this week
You don't need a strategy or a spreadsheet. You just need to send one message.
Here's what I'm trying myself:
Pick the first person who comes to mind.
Don't agonise over the "right" one. The same study found that when people listed the ten dormant contacts they most wanted to reconnect with, all ten were equally useful.
So the name that surfaced while you were reading this?
That's your person. Trust it.
Reach out with no ask attached.
This is important. Not "I need a favour." Just "you came to mind today, how are you, what are you up to these days?" Warm, short, genuinely curious.
The favour, the advice, the opportunity, all of that can come later, naturally, once you're talking again.
Lead with what you want and you've sent a cold pitch, not rekindled a friendship.
Give before you take.
Bring something with you. A "this made me think of you" article. An introduction. A word on their new role. If you help first, there is more chance the connection will last. Adam Grant wrote a whole book on it, "Give and Take", but you already know this in your gut.
And let's face it, nobody rushes to help the person who only ever surfaces when they want something (you know the one!). So don't be that person.
Be the person who gave first, long before you needed anything back.
The bottom line
We all have dormant ties that could lead to the next big thing
Every job you've left, every team you've been on, every conference you've survived has left you with people who once knew you, trusted you, and who have spent the years since gathering exactly what you don't have.
They haven't gone anywhere. They're one warm message away.
If you're bold enough to reach out.
And that's what being iconic actually looks like. Following the instinct most people ignore. Stepping away from the norm. Leading the way.
That one message I almost didn't send is now a project I’m excited about.
So this week, wake one of your dormant ties. Who knows where it could lead.
Reply and tell me how it goes. I read every message.
All my best,
Nichola
P.S. Know an ambitious woman who'd get something from this newsletter? Send it her way. We rise together.